hier noch nen paar:
[edit] hier noch ein sehr cooler
A deer is on the runway... so...
Tower: Cessna XXX cleared for take-off.
Student: "What should I do? What should I do?"
Inst: "What do you think you should do?"
(think-think-think)
Std: "Maybe if I taxi toward him it'll scare him away."
Inst: "That's a good idea."
(Taxi toward deer, but deer is macho, and holds position.)
Tower: Cessna XXX cleared for take-off, runway NN.
Std: "What should I do? What should I do?"
Inst: "What do you think you should do?"
(think-think-think)
Std: "Maybe I should tell the tower."
Inst: "That's a good idea."
Std: Cessna XXX, uh, there's a deer down here on the runway.
(long pause)
Tower: Roger XXX, hold your position. Deer on runawy NN cleared for immediate departure.
(Two seconds, and then -- I presume by coincidence -- the deer bolts from the runway, and runs back into the woods.)
Tower: Cessna XXX cleared for departure, runway NN. Caution wake turbulence, departing deer.
It had to be tough keeping that Cessna rolling straight for take-off.
[/edit]
Pilot to tower . . . pilot to tower . . . I am 300 miles from land . . . 600 feet over water . . . and running out of fuel . . . please instruct!
Tower to pilot . . . tower to pilot . . . repeat after me: "Our Father, which art in heaven . . ."
ZK-ABC: "Wellington tower, this is Alpha Bravo Charlie. Could you turn the runway lights on please?"
WN TWR: "Alpha Bravo Charlie, this is Wellington Tower, the Airport is closed by fog, you cannot land over."
ZK-ABC: "Wellington Tower, this is Alpha Bravo Charlie, I have landed, but I can't find the Hangar over."
A Huey Cobra practicing autorotations during a military night training exercise had a problem and landed on the tail rotor, separating the tail boom. Fortunately, it wound up on its skids, sliding down the runway doing 360s in a brilliant shower of sparks. As the Cobra passed the tower, the following exchange was overheard:
Tower: "Sir, do you need any assistance?"
Cobra: "I don't know, tower. We ain't done crashin' yet!"
"There I was" at C-130 Combat Air Tactics School where they teached us to go low & slow and stay alive. One day we were pitted against F-16s from Arkansas.
Once we were in the air, one of the Vipers got the jump on us, he slowed down to make the kill. We outturned him at that slow speed (Luck? Skill?) and put him at our 12. As he turned away from us to go get some smash for another run, our AC couldnt resist squawking out "Fox-2! Fox-2!"
I'd like to quote what the Viper pilot said through the heavy breathing and grunts of his high-g turn but all we could make out was some word that started with an "F" and "you"!
During joint exercise in Germany an USAF and German F-4 are practicing low-level in Southern Germany near the Swiss Border. As they approach the border they hear a call on Guard "Unidentified aircraft nearing Swiss border, identify yourself". Both pilots maintain radio silence and do not answer. The Swiss repeat the transmission twice without success. The next transmission reads: "Unidentified aircraft, identify yourself or we will send our interceptors". After which the German pilot replies: "Will you send one or both of them".
I was told that an F-4 pilot out of MCAS Beaufort, SC flew under the Savannah, Ga. bridge (possible). The story goes that the RIO was so mad that he threatened to eject if the pilot attempted it again.
The pilot proceeded to do it again... inverted!
A young guy in an F-14 fighter was flying escort for a B-52 and generally being a nuisance, acting like a hotdog, flying rolls around the lumbering old bomber. The hotdog said over the air, "Anything you can do, I can do better."
The veteran bomber pilot answered, "Try this hot-shot." The B-52 continued its flight, straight and level.
Perplexed, the hotdog asked, "So? What did you do?"
"I just shut down two engines, kid."
https://www.f-16.net/humor.html
cass